


The Tale of the Virgin War

by Snegurochka



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-08
Updated: 2006-10-08
Packaged: 2017-10-10 23:54:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,196
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/105838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snegurochka/pseuds/Snegurochka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty Galleons, three suspects, and one spectacularly bad idea. It's tough to know who to trust when it's your first time in a war.</p><p>9,200 words. NC-17. Sirius/Lily, whispers of Sirius/James (background James/Lily and Remus/Sirius). October 2006.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Tale of the Virgin War

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the todieavirgin comm, prompt: _James bets Lily 20 galleons that Sirius will never Do It with a girl. Lily wins._ This is much angstier than the prompt might indicate. Thanks to islandsmoke for the beta work.

_Suspect 1: James Potter_  
Age: 20  
Apprehended: On the floor like a stupid git, trousers around his ankles and floppy cock out for all to see.  
Charge: Voyeurism, probably pimping, and general amorality. 

 

See, there's one thing most people don't know about Evans: she fights _mean_.

I'm talking full-on, hell-raising, take-your-mother-to-the-cleaners _mean_. Seriously, don't cross her. She'll unfurl that halo over her head and stab you with the damned thing sooner than actually wear it. But you don't need me to tell you that, I suppose. You'd know all about how she gets.

She's the one that put me up to this, you know. You can ask her; it was completely her idea. And no, I don't want to talk about _why_ it was her idea, but I can guarantee it had nothing to do with me, because she likes my cock just fine, all right? So you can stop thinking what you're thinking. She's a fucking hustler, is what she is, and did I mention that she fights mean?

Now listen: I don't want you thinking this has anything to do with you, because it doesn't. I'm not sure what it has to do with, but it's definitely not you. I don't care who you're shagging, and I don't care who Padfoot's shagging. Swear to God. So Padfoot likes cock. Who gives a fuck? Not my cuppa, but he can knock himself out with it for all I care. Bend over and take it up the arse like the world champion of buggery and I won't give a flying fuck. Why? Because I'm a damned good friend, that's why. Besides, he knows he's not getting anywhere near _my _arse, no matter how hard he begs, so once that got sorted we've just been Padfoot and Prongs, like before.

Oh, all right, don't look at me like that. He never really begged or anything. Never asked at all, I suppose. But he could have! It's not like I don't have a nice arse.

So anyway, just calm down, because this doesn't have anything to do with you. It's not like you're ever really here anymore, and hell, I thought it would be an easy twenty Galleons! How was I supposed to know that he'd actually do it?

How was I supposed to know that _she _would actually do it?

~~~~~

James Potter was many things, but stupid was not one of them. He knew a sure thing when he saw it, and he didn't waste his time checking the odds when the odds were clearly in his favour.

"So, he's really gay, then?" Lily asked him sceptically, rinsing the soap off a plate and handing it to him to dry.

"Gayer than a three-Knut note," confirmed James as he took it from her. "You've seen the way he looks at Moony. Now tell me again why we can't wash these with magic?"

"Because it's building character. I'm not marrying you if you can't wash your own dishes." She turned the tap on again and poured suds over their wine glasses. "I always thought he'd shag anything that moved."

"Not if it has girl bits, he won't. And I _can_ wash my own dishes, as you can see." James held the plate over his head before thunking it back down on the counter and muttering a quick charm that sent it sailing off into the cupboard. "But the point is that wizards shouldn't _have_ to. And anyway, why are you so interested in who Padfoot wants to shag?"

"Hm? Oh, it's nothing. Just… someone was asking me about him. Whether he'd ever shag a girl."

"This someone had girl bits?"

"Well–"

"No dice, Evans, he's taken."

"I said he probably would."

James shook his head. "I mean, you can ask him, but as far as I know, even if he didn't have Remus, he'd sooner let his bollocks shrivel and fall off than use them on a bird."

"That's… a charming image, love. Thank you."

"Anytime. Hey, you missed a spot."

She squinted down at the pot in her hands and he took the opportunity to splash her with water. "Oi!" she hollered, laughing and kicking him in the leg at the same time. "Wanker."

"You love me."

"I do not."

"Come on. Leave the dishes and come upstairs."

"No. You splashed me." The corner of her mouth quirked up, despite her attempt at frowning.

"Evans," he sang, maneuvering her back against the sink and lowering his mouth to her neck. "Please? You look so sexy in your apron."

"Aha!" She laughed, tossing her head back to allow him better access to the soft flesh of her neck. "I know you – you want me wearing nothing _but_ the apron, I suppose? And a pair of stilettos, of course."

"Sure, if you've got 'em." James smiled into her skin, breathing in the scent of her and letting his hands trail down to her hips. "God," he murmured, "Padfoot has no idea what he's missing by swearing off girls." His mouth moved up her neck with slow, careful kisses before capturing her mouth, her full lips parted against his as her body pressed into him.

"He really doesn't, does he?" she breathed against his mouth, one finger curled teasingly inside the waistband of his trousers. "I bet he'd be willing to give it a try, if the right one came along," she added, her voice taking on a rather alarming dreamy quality.

James pulled back and looked at her, but her eyes were closed. She was still pushing her hips against his, just a little bit, with her face flushed and her lips parted. "Who's the right one?" he asked quietly.

She opened her eyes and looked at him, her face creased with a hint of sadness.

"_Lily_," he prodded in a low voice, his stomach dropping out of his body. "Who's the right one?"

Her eyes skirted away from him. "He kissed me once," she said softly. "Years ago. Long before you ever did," she added.

James let out a long breath.

"I've never quite forgotten about it."

He pressed his lips together and breathed hard through his nostrils. "So… what? You want to go marry _him_ now, is that it?"

"No. Look, I just–"

"Hate to break it to you, but it was probably that kiss that turned him on to blokes." He glared at her, dropping his arms from her waist and folding them over his chest.

They were both silent for a long minute, the air spiked with tension.

"I'm not telling you this to make you angry or jealous," she said. "I'm telling you because we're getting married soon, and…" She raised her eyes to the ceiling and spoke the rest very quickly, trying without success to keep her voice even. "I love you but I can't stop thinking about him."

James stared at her. "Thinking what, exactly?"

She paused, then stood up straighter and squared her shoulders. "I spoke with Alice and Frank last week. They said the same thing as Marlene." She held his gaze. "James. It doesn't look good. I know you don't want to believe it, but–"

"What did they say?" His voice rose before he could stop it.

"Frank followed him," she said quietly. "As far as he could, at least. Saw him with Greyback and… someone else."

"Who?"

She sighed. "Rosier, probably. Frank couldn't tell for sure, but he knew it was a Death Eater. James, you have to face the facts, and so does Sirius!"

James swallowed. "What does this have to do with you and Sirius?" he asked slowly.

She stepped forward and cupped his face in her hands. "I want to get him away from Remus."

"That's not your job," said James simply. "Dumbledore's looking for the mole, if there is one."

"There is," she said, fixing him with a cold stare. "I _know _there is. So many things not going right lately… " She paused for a moment before a grin began to tug at the corners of her mouth. "I know it as surely as I know that Sirius _hates_ not being an expert at something."

James stared at her. "You think he secretly hates not being an expert at pussy?"

She punched him in the arm. "That's a vulgar word," she pointed out, and he laughed. "But yes, I do. And besides," she added, a blush creeping up her cheeks, "I'm curious… you know… to sleep with a man who's only ever been with other men."

There was something very wrong with the picture Lily was painting, not least because it wasn't quite making James as infuriated as it should have. He wasn't the sort who thought about his fiancée with his best friend, and he definitely wasn't the sort who thought about his best friend with other men. Definitely not. He coughed. "And what, exactly, do you think will be so different about him?"

"I don't know," she said irritably, "but I _do_ know that he's more loyal to Remus than he is to us right now, and it's looking an awful lot like Remus is–"

James held up a hand to silence her. "No. Just… quit saying things like that, all right? Now let me get this straight: you think you can entice dear Padfoot away from the side of darkness by using the power of your–"

"That's a _vulgar_ word, and if you say it one more time–"

"Okay, okay. Men like that word, by the way. But still, you think you can entice him away from the evil, gay side of darkness by–"

"It's not the gay part that's the side of darkness!" she protested. "It's the part about shagging a Death Eater spy."

James pinched the bridge of his nose.

Ignoring his exasperation, Lily leaned in close to his ear and dropped her voice to a whisper. "I have twenty Galleons that says I can convince Sirius Black to sleep with me."

James stared at her. "Lily!" he said at last. "He's _really_ gay. You're aware of that, right? Also, you're engaged. To _me_."

An odd look crossed her face. "He kissed me once," she insisted, and the note of wistfulness in her voice made James ache.

"Do you know what he said to me the last time I asked him if he was sure about this no-women thing?"

She frowned.

James rubbed his forehead as the words came back to him, a smirk on his face. "He said, 'Number one: Moony'd hex my balls off if I even thought it. Number two: I dare you to shag Moony even _once_ and still have any desire for birds, because that man _knows_ – okay, never mind, but he knows some things, all right? And number three: ew. They're all soft and lumpy, Prongs. That's not on.'"

"I thought he said, 'Show me a girl with a cock, and I'll think about it,'" Lily said slyly, running a finger up his cheek.

"Well, he said that, too. He used to say a lot of things, back when I'd ask him about it every other day. Trust me, I've asked him a thousand times if he was sure about this. Maybe sometimes I wish he wasn't, but he is, yeah? He's _very_ sure about it."

"So there's no harm in asking him, then."

James fell silent as an image of the two people he loved most in his life rose in his mind. They were naked, sweaty, and rutting wildly on filmy sheets while he looked on. _Show me a girl with a cock_, Sirius's voice echoed in his ears in a low growl, as his eyes pinned James to the spot and his cock disappeared inside Lily. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "No deal, Evans," he said gruffly. "No way."

"You're afraid he'll say yes."

"I am not," James protested, feeling his face flush. "The man likes cock, that's one thing I know for sure."

"Then you have nothing to worry about, do you? Except, of course, where to spend that extra twenty Galleons you'll have."

He paused at this. Bloody hell. "Why do you have to bring money into it?" he asked irritably.

"Because nobody does anything in this world if not for money," she pointed out, and he had to admit it provided sufficient incentive.

"One week time limit," he insisted. "Can't let you go around for the rest of your life chasing a lost cause, can I?"

"Fine," she agreed, reaching up to kiss him again.

"And no one ever brings it up again after this," he added, "especially when you lose."

"_Fine_." She grimaced. "And what about Remus?" she added quietly, her eyes searching his as he felt his face fall.

"I don't know what to think," he muttered. "Talk to me again when I'm twenty Galleons richer."

~~~~~

Despite his efforts not to, James looked at his best friend a bit differently over the course of the following week. He didn't know what Lily's plan was, and he didn't want to, but she was _really_ angry about this business with Remus. He knew she'd probably fight dirty if it meant saving Sirius's gay soul – hell, or even just his normal one – from the Death Eaters.

Fantasies were one thing, but he didn't _really_ want his best friend putting his cock anywhere near Lily, of that he was certain. He didn't _really_ want to know his best friend had seen every inch of Lily's body and touched her in places only James had touched her before. No, he definitely didn't want to know that Sirius might be just as attracted to Lily as she was to him, that he could push inside her and hear her moan his name, that he could lick and taste her until she shuddered around him and raked her fingernails down his back.

He paused to catch his breath and steel his resolve. This whole thing was ridiculous; there was no way Sirius wanted to shag Lily. James would win that twenty Galleons without even trying.

But just to ensure Sirius's defences remained strong and he didn't succumb, James reasoned, he should probably remind his friend of all the things that were so appealing about blokes.

It was easy, really: a casual brush of the hand here, a lingering lick of the lips there. After a solid few days of it, James had to admit that flirting with Sirius wasn't quite the hardship tour he'd expected it to be. The bloke _was_ handsome after all, and he had a decent arse. Anyway, it wasn't as though he _wanted _to be looking, but twenty Galleons was a lot of money, to say nothing of the wound his pride would suffer if Lily actually won. He doubled his efforts.

"What are you doing?" Sirius finally asked one afternoon, flicking his eyes down to James's hand where it rested on his arm.

James schooled his face into an expression of pure innocence. "What?"

"You've been groping me all week, you big queen." Sirius leaned back against the kitchen counter and grinned. "What, you finally decided you want to fuck?"

This was not quite what James had expected to hear, and he didn't have an answer for it. "No. Do you?"

Sirius's grin spread. "No," he said with a laugh. "You'd be terrible. You barely like touching your own cock, never mind someone else's."

"That's not true," James countered, moving a bit closer to Sirius. "I adore my own cock. Take very good care of it, you know."

"That so?" Sirius's amused expression slid into something else, something darker and more intense, and his voice dropped. "You take care of it yet today?" he asked softly.

James licked his lips and nodded. "This morning." He held Sirius's gaze. "In the shower." Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sirius's knuckles whiten as his hands gripped the counter top. James pressed his advantage and moved closer. "I could go for cock," he whispered, his nose brushing the stubble at Sirius's jaw. "Could like it just as much as you do."

"And how would you know how much I like it?" Sirius's voice was tight, like his entire body was a coil ready to spring.

James moved in even closer, trapping Sirius's wrists against the counter and pressing their bodies together. Oh, Lily was _so_ wrong. Sirius may have kissed her once, but he was older now, and wiser, and there was no doubt about it: he wanted cock, and he wanted it now. "Because I know you," he breathed. "I know exactly what you want and when you want it."

"And you think I want you?" Sirius's lips were so close to James's he could almost taste them. For a blinding second he couldn't think about anything _but_ tasting them.

"Yeah," he murmured.

"You never seemed interested before," Sirius pointed out, flexing against the hands pinning his down.

"Didn't think you were," countered James, and now something very unsettling was happening: he was getting hard, _very_ hard, pressed up against Sirius's warm body like this and hearing his friend's ragged voice whisper words like _cock_ and _want you_ in his ear. Bollocks.

"I do all right, that's true," Sirius replied with a grin. "Don't need you."

James pushed his hips up, just a little, just to see what would happen. "Moony takes good care of you?" he asked hoarsely, his voice shaking and the blood racing through his veins.

"Yeah," Sirius breathed, grinding back against James. He paused for a moment, then pulled his head back from where it rested against James's and tilted it to the side. "Lily know you're here?" he asked with a smirk, and James stilled his hips.

He shook his head.

"You know what's even better than cock, Prongs?" he asked, his sultry voice now returning to normal. James gaped at him. "_Pussy_, my friend," Sirius continued. "Hot, wet pussy. Oh yeah, you like that, don't you?"

James froze.

"Remember the first time you fucked her? Told me all about it. How wet she was, how you licked her, how good she felt around your cock." Sirius gave him a lazy smile. "Remember that?" His hands broke free of James's grip at last and he placed a firm hand on James's chest, pushing him away. "Let me guess," he added in his standard drawl, fierce grey eyes on James. "She bet you twenty Galleons you'd never shag a bloke, and since Moony'd punch you in the mouth if you even tried it with him, you figured I seemed like an easy target. Right?"

James frowned, backing up and running a hand through his hair. "Not… quite," he muttered, but then a thought occurred to him. "You've seen Moony lately, then?" he asked.

There was a flash of fury on Sirius's face before he hid it away. "Not for awhile," he bit out, his eyes narrowing. "What's this, then? You planning to move in on me if he doesn't come back? Fuck off."

"If he doesn't come back," James murmured, "then yeah, I've got you. Not… like this, maybe." He gestured between them and felt his face heat. "But I've got you."

Sirius was silent for a moment before his face relaxed. He rolled his eyes and pushed himself away from the counter, surreptitiously rearranging his trousers as he did so, and sauntered past James. "You and Lily really need to get fucking _married_," he said, "so both of you can stop coming around here with shit like this." He left the kitchen, slapping James's arse a bit too hard on the way out.

~~~~~

 

_Suspect 2: Sirius Black_  
Age: 20  
Apprehended: Half-dressed in the middle of the kitchen, dazed and confused like he just overdosed on pussy. Bastard.  
Charge: Cheating, lying, coveting his best friend's wife (close enough), lying. And cheating.

 

Oh, no way. You _cannot_ be serious! This is complete harassment, entirely against the… you know, that international statute for Wizarding rights or whatever it's called. You think you're an Auror now, can just hold people against their will? Bollocks. Give me back my wand, you tosser, or I'll –

Okay, okay. Fine. It's _possible_ that you have a point. But look, it was either her or James, and I know you would have been more upset if I'd gone for James, so I figured –

Right. I know, but just, let's put the wand down and discuss this like rational adults. What you're saying is that you would have been _less_ upset if I'd gone for James? Because that's useful information, that is. I'll have to remember that for future –

Ow. Yes, okay, I get it, I'll stop joking around. The point, if you'll let me say two words, is that you're never here, all right? Well, that and the fact that she paid me ten Galleons for it. Personally, I would have thought my cock was worth a right bit more than that, but there's a war on, and I needed new trousers.

And anyway, did I mention that you're never here anymore? You're never fucking here anymore, and I don't know where you go, and –

Fuck it. Just… yeah. Never mind. You're right: I'm a wanker and a cheat and probably a spy, too. You win, all right? You win. Now leave me the hell alone.

~~~~~

Sirius Black was many things, but stupid was not one of them. When the esteemed Miss Lily Evans called on him and offered him ten Galleons for an evening's work, he took it. Times weren't exactly tough, but there was a war on, and with his (probably) temporary estrangement from the Black family fortune, he really could use a new pair of trousers.

"So, what is it you need?" he asked casually, appraising her with a knowing smirk as she sat down in front of a tea cup at his kitchen table. "Something you can't go to James for, I take it."

"Right." She smiled. "James can't help me with this one."

He leaned back, flexing his fingers. "All right then, say no more. Let it be stated for the record that the day has finally come when James Potter's skills have been revealed as utterly sub par in comparison to Sirius Black's." He nodded solemnly at her.

"Finally?" She raised an eyebrow. "I would have thought this had been revealed some time ago."

He grinned. "Indeed it was, but I was trying to be polite. You know, not embarrass the lad in front of his fiancée."

"Oh, of course."

There was something strange in the way she was looking at him, but he ignored it. "So, what is it, love? Stealth and tracking?"

"Er- no."

"Transfiguration?"

"Not quite."

"An Animagus who can actually fit through doorways?"

"Ah, no."

"The Marauders Map?"

"No."

"Secret entrance to the Willow?"

"We're not at Hogwarts anymore, you might recall."

"With some of us still behaving like the prancing Head Girl, you'd never know it, eh?" He paused, eyeing her. "I'm not going shopping with you, no matter how many times you ask," he said at last. "The fall colours this year are awful for redheads."

"Ah, now we're getting somewhere."

He folded his arms across his chest. "No."

"What?"

"Absolutely not."

"Sirius! I haven't even said anything."

He frowned. "If that tosser still can't figure out where his prostate is, _I'm_ not going to show him. That's his punishment for shagging birds."

She leaned back in her chair, cradling her tea cup in both hands and watching him over the rim. "Indeed," she replied, her lips curving into a grin. "It's a terrible fate to spend one's life shagging girls, isn't it?"

"I think everyone in this room can agree to that," Sirius sniffed, "unless there's something about those tea parties with Alice that you're not telling me."

She laughed. "Mm. No, alas, there's not. Although, I'm not sure I'd be quite as opposed to the idea as you are."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "_You'd_ shag Alice?"

"She's got lovely skin, doesn't she?" Lily began, her voice dropping a little. "So soft and smooth. You can just imagine what it would feel like under your fingers. And those big eyes of hers. They'd watch everything, wouldn't they? Just think of those beautiful eyes taking in every move you made." She took a sip of tea, and Sirius sighed.

"Lovely, but I don't fuck someone for their skin or eyes, yeah?"

"Of course." Lily regarded him for a moment, her eyes dancing with mischief, before she leaned forward and placed a hand on his thigh. "You're not a foreplay sort, are you? Let's get straight to the point, then." Her fingers pressed against the inseam of his trousers, much higher than they should have. "Let's talk pussy," she whispered.

He swallowed. "Ah, no, that's okay, Lil. I'm good. No need to–"

"Do you know what happens to a woman when she wants a cock inside her?" she continued, almost conversationally.

"I've some idea."

"She gets very, _very_ wet," said Lily quietly. "We don't need lube like men do. If she wants you, she'll be ready for you all on her own. All you have to do," she added, giving his thigh another squeeze, "is slide right in."

"You're forgetting something, though," he replied, terribly amused.

She inched her fingers higher. "What's that?" she purred.

"The lube's the fun part," he said with a grin, leaning towards her and relishing the shocked look on her face. "You really haven't lived, Lily, until you've bitten right through a pillow because there's fingers sliding up your arse covered with warm lube, and the anticipation of what's coming makes you almost scream."

Her tea cup clattered onto its saucer, but her gaze didn't leave his. She licked her lips. "What's coming?" she whispered.

"The best part," murmured Sirius, pushing her hand away from his thigh. "You know you're about to get fucked," he finished, watching her throat work as she swallowed. "Those fingers are going to turn into a cock – a thick, _hard_ cock – and that lube is going to let it slide right up your arse." He moved her hand back towards her own inner thigh, gently placing it so that she was an inch away from touching herself.

She took a shuddering breath. "Fuck me right now," she said quietly, "and I'll show you why lube is completely irrelevant."

He pulled back a bit and watched her. Between her and James, this business of trying to seduce him was really getting odd. He leaned in closer, his lips almost touching hers, the tip of his nose brushing her cheek. "Is that what you came here for?" he murmured. "You really shouldn't be saying things like that to me, _Mrs. Potter_."

She held his gaze and inched her fingers up to begin rubbing herself lightly. "I'm not married yet," she said firmly. "And you… well, you're basically a virgin, aren't you? That's just sad for a man your age." A mischievous smile danced across her face.

"Ah. Only a virgin with what matters to you, I see." His eyes fixed on the way her fingers moved against the fabric of her trousers, tracing light, lazy circles, and suddenly he felt very much like a virgin who desperately wanted to know what it would feel like to replace her hand with his own, to let his fingers slide through her wetness and watch the look on her face when they did. "You think you can show me how much better it would be with a girl than with a bloke?" he whispered, bringing a finger up to trace her jaw.

She nodded. "You'd never go back to blokes after me," she assured him, her lips curving into a knowing smile.

"James know you're here?" He let her suck his finger into her mouth, closing her pink lips around the tip.

One more nod, and the finger slipped out of her mouth. "Oh yes," she breathed. "It was his idea, in fact. Says he can't marry me while I've still got all these fantasies about you."

"Have you, now…" he breathed. "I wouldn't know where to start with a woman, though," he said innocently. "What if I was terrible at it, shattered all your lovely fantasies?"

"They're your fantasies, too, aren't they?" she said quietly, dropping the faux seductress tone that didn't suit her anyway, and returning to herself. Just Lily, the same old Lily, sitting before him and pointing out the simple ways of the world like she always had.

He blinked at her.

"Remember what you told me, that night after I started seeing James?"

He held his breath. Oh God. He'd almost forgotten that. "That was a long time ago, Lil," he murmured. "A really long time ago."

"You said if you couldn't have me, you didn't want any other girl."

He clenched his jaw. "Yeah. Well, I was seventeen, and I was… you know. Confused about some things."

She smiled at him. "And then Remus came along and un-confused you about those things?"

Remus. _Remus_. His grin faded. "Yeah, he did," he said before pausing for a second. "I love you, Lil, you know I do. But this…?"

"I suspect you'd be a quick study," she said slyly, her voice dropping again to that sex-goddess tone. "I'd teach you exactly how to do it."

"Oh, I get it." His voice hardened, but she didn't seem to notice. "You'd make sure I learned exactly how to worship pussy, would you?"

"Mm," she agreed, letting her eyes drift closed. "I'd love to see that."

He pulled back from her and ran a hand through his hair, rose from his chair, and strode across the room. "I don't want pussy," he said roughly, enjoying the look on her face as her eyes flew open and her hand stilled against her leg. "Not tonight, not tomorrow night, not_ ever_, yeah?"

She stood up and appraised him for a moment before she spoke. "Not even for ten Galleons?" she asked.

His eyes widened. "_That's_ what you wanted for the ten Galleons?" He ran a hand through his hair again and paused at the back of his neck, massaging the rapidly increasing knot of tension there. "No," he said simply, trying to keep his temper in check. "Just… no. Go home, Lily. Get your fiancé to fuck you. That's what he's there for, okay? Not my job."

She grabbed her purse off the table and started towards the door. "Remus has been gone an awful lot lately, hasn't he?" she called over her shoulder. "Don't tell me you're getting cock regularly, because I know you're not." She stopped short of the door and sighed, rubbing her temples. "I'm sorry, that was – Sorry."

"Don't come over here and tell me what I was like when we were seventeen, and how I'm such a big disappointment to you now," he said quietly. "You chose James, remember?"

"Yes, I chose James, and you chose Remus." She reached for the door. "But I never stopped thinking about you. And I hoped, you know, just maybe… that you never stopped thinking about me."

He sank back against the wall. "Lily!" he moaned. "Why are you doing this? You want me to fuck you and then stand up for James at your _wedding_? That's insane."

"Why am I doing this?" she repeated to herself under her breath, her eyes on the floor. "That's a good question." She paused a moment before raising her head again. "I guess I just wanted you to know that he's not your only choice – when he's not here," she added, "or even when he is." She opened the door. "But I'll just leave you alone, then."

"Yeah," he replied, his jaw clenched. "Leave me alone, thanks." The door closed behind her. "And Remus is coming back on Thursday!" he hollered after her, then he punched a fist into the side of the refrigerator and slumped back against the counter. "So just shut the fuck up about him," he muttered to himself.

~~~~~

She didn't, though – shut the fuck up _or_ leave him alone.

There were times when she almost fooled him, _almost_ convinced him. She felt so safe, so easy, as though she really didn't want anything from him but to make him feel better, to make him forget that it was he and Remus against the world, and that one of these days Remus might not come back from the Packs, might disappear forever into that vortex of war and death, and then it would just be Sirius, left alone in the universe.

It was a few months ago already, sinking into the timelessness that the war had become, that he first confronted the fact that Remus might not come back. That Remus might head off with Greyback one day and not _want_ to come back. He knew that Lily thought it was more than that – hell, half the Order thought it was more than that, but Sirius couldn't do that yet.

Remus wasn't the spy. He just couldn't be. Unless… he was.

No one, man or woman, could make him feel the way Remus did when they were alone, he knew that as surely as he knew his own name. But Remus wasn't here now, and Lily was, and she kept looking at him like she meant it, like he made _her_ feel all the things Remus brought out in him, and he almost, _almost _started to wonder what it would be like with her.

Except that Remus knew what it was like to be an outsider. Remus knew what it felt like to have people he loved look at him with naïve concern and say, "Well, have you tried _not_ being a werewolf?" And if Remus was there right now, he would kick Lily's pert little arse all the way back to Little Whinging for even _daring_ to suggest that Sirius could change – that there was something wrong with wanting cock.

But Remus wasn't there, and Sirius had never been as strong as Remus was anyway, especially not where James and Lily were concerned. Still, after a few more days of her showing up on his doorstep and looking at him _that_ way, she was really starting to piss him off.

"Aren't you even curious?" Lily asked, her head tilted to one side and a sweet smile on her face, and that was it, that fucking _did it_. Sirius whirled on her.

"No," he bit out, "I'm not _curious_. Why do I have to be curious?"

She shrugged. "I think you're protesting too much," she said coyly.

"What makes you think I don't already know _exactly_ what sex with a woman would be like?" he said, his voice rising.

She stared at him.

"It's _everywhere_, Lily!" he shouted. "I just have to buy a copy of _Witch Weekly_ to know exactly what it's like, to know where to put my hands and how to bring a girl off, yeah? I just have to go to a Hobgoblins concert and watch Stubby get off with half the girls in the front row to know what it's like!" He let out a howl of frustration before grabbing her tea cup off the table and hurling it into the wall. It crashed into tiny pieces with a frightening noise, and Lily backed into the corner, her hand flying to the wand in her pocket.

"Stop it!" she hollered, her eyes wide.

He ignored her, finally understanding where his unnamed rage had been coming from all week and too fired up to stop it. "All I have to do is walk down the fucking street, Lily, and see two people holding hands, or kissing, or whatever, and I'll _know_. Because it'll be a man and a woman, and it'll be right in front of my fucking face! So quit trying to straighten me out." He glared at her another moment before turning away and unclenching the fists at his side. "I've had enough of that for one lifetime already, okay? From my brother, from your fucking fiancé, from Peter, so just…" He grimaced. "I don't need it from you too, all right? You're supposed to be the one who doesn't do this."

"I – oh God. I _am_." She crossed the room towards him.

"Why can't you be the one who doesn't do this?" He scrubbed at his face. "Why can't you? Why do you have to be like everyone else? Why can't…"

She grabbed at his shirt before he could stop her, pulling him down and forcing his gaze. "No," she said firmly. "I wasn't trying to do that. Look at me – you _know_ me."

"I'm sick of this," he said, swallowing hard. "I couldn't have you then, and I can't have you now, okay, so quit acting like some… some Holy Grail of pussy, for God's sake!" He started to laugh. "So I'm a virgin, yeah? Fine." He paused for a moment and then cast a dark gaze at her, his tongue running over his lower lip. "I've done more in bed than you can possibly imagine, you know that? But as far as you're concerned, I'm still a virgin unless I put my cock in a woman. Well, fuck you."

"That's not what I said," she insisted, "and I am that one," she added, strengthening her hold on his shirt. "I'm the one who wants you exactly the way you are. I'm the one who just _wants you_."

"Yeah?" He pushed her back against the counter a bit too roughly. "You think you want me?"

"Yeah." Her voice matched his, hard and scratchy, and then he didn't know if it was his pushing or her pulling that had been so rough.

"Fuck it," he muttered, gripping her hips and lifting her onto the kitchen counter. "You want to get fucked?" he growled in her ear. "You want a flaming, arse-bandit queen to fuck you?"

"I want you more than he ever will," she whispered, her eyes piercing him. "I trust you more than he ever will, too."

"He's _not_ a Death Eater!" Sirius roared, shoving her back against the counter as the rage flashed through his veins.

"Sirius," she pleaded, "for God's sake, listen to reason! He's been _seen_ with them!"

He opened his mouth to retort again but found his throat dry. All in one brief moment his strength seemed to fail, and he slumped over the counter top with his head in his hands.

"If you don't have him," she said carefully, her voice shaking, "then there's no reason left anymore why you can't have me."

"There's the minor issue of your fiancé," he muttered into the counter.

"He doesn't mind," she said, and he lifted his head at that. "Really. In fact, I… well." A pink blush crept up her cheeks, and fucking hell, but she looked beautiful. "I think he might be interested in… you know. Being here for it."

"_It_," Sirius repeated, and this was too much, his mind just wasn't working right anymore.

She hoisted herself up onto the counter and pulled him towards her, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck. Her lips brushed over his skin as she breathed him in, sliding carefully up his jaw and over his cheek, the tip of her nose tracing the shell of his ear and her hands smoothing back his hair. He felt her hitch her legs up against the drawer handles and spread her thighs, her skirt sliding up her knees as she did so, and he fell between her legs against the counter. "Please?" she breathed, and he couldn't say no anymore, not with her begging like this.

He found her lips and kissed her hard, all this rage and confusion melting into a desire he didn't know what to do with. She was _wrong_ – the wrong person, wrong place, wrong time – but she felt like liquid comfort against him and for one maddening moment he even started to believe she could make it all better.

Her fingers clawed against his chest and her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling him in and holding him fast. With a gentle tug at his bottom lip she broke off the kiss and gazed up at him. "Can I call James?" she asked softly.

He threaded a hand in her hair and remembered the way she'd looked at seventeen, her lips red and parted and begging him to kiss her again, and then he remembered James's body pressed against his that day last week, whispering in his ear. _I could go for cock. Could like it just as much as you do_. Fuck.

Remus wasn't here anymore.

He nodded to her.

~~~~~

Suspect 3: Lily Evans  
_rest of paper torn_

 

Lily Evans was many things, but stupid was not one of them. James appeared within seconds of the mirror call, the _crack_ of Apparition reverberating around the flat, and she watched him carefully. His mouth fell open when he saw them.

Sirius could only drop his head to Lily's shoulder and exhale loudly, his hands gripping her thighs.

"Please?" murmured Lily, running her hands through his hair. She glanced up at James and gave him a faint smile. There was still that remote possibility that he wouldn't quite like this, but she was banking on the far more likely possibility that despite his protests about the bet, he _would_ like this.

James walked slowly into the kitchen, his eyes intent on Sirius and Lily still locked together against the counter. Lily watched him lick his lips, and she knew she had made the right decision. He stopped right beside them, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm.

"Lily," he said quietly, reaching a finger out to tilt her chin towards him as Sirius pulled back from her. He let the silence swell around them, the three bodies breathing deeply and coiled tightly, ready to spring. After a moment, he murmured only three words, none she was quite expecting to hear. "You trust him?"

She nodded.

"Should I trust him?"

She held his eyes, aware that Sirius was watching them both with increased agitation. She nodded again.

With a sultry smile he leaned in to kiss her, angling her mouth up to meet his. He was insistent but gentle, his lips soft against hers and just the whisper of a naughty tongue flicking out to taste her before he pulled away and turned to Sirius.

"Yet you wouldn't fuck _me_," was all he said to Sirius, and Lily watched them slip into that other world they had, the one where they could always just look at each other and know exactly what the other was thinking, and to hell with everyone around them.

"No," confirmed Sirius, his lips red and full from kissing Lily, and she imagined he was hard as nails as he stood there, if not from her then certainly from the way James was looking at him, with that usual expression of confidence and swagger and pure mischief. "You're both completely insane."

James grinned, flicking his head back towards Lily. "She's just about the same as a Marauder, you know. Can't trust her not to cause trouble."

"That's a most appalling understatement," Sirius pointed out, and James's grin faded as he glanced down Sirius's body and back up, leaning towards him.

Lily watched James's lips brush Sirius's ear, and she held her breath. "You still want to fuck her?" he asked quietly.

"Will either of you leave me alone until I do?" Sirius shot back.

"Ah, right," James whispered. "You're gay, I forgot. Almost had me utterly convinced, you know."

Sirius's eyes blazed for a second before he grabbed James and pulled him close, crushing their mouths together. Lily felt herself begin to throb with need as she watched them, neither of them kissing the way they had ever kissed her. This was rough and desperate and like nothing she'd ever seen before, square jaws and chafed lips and thick tongues battling for dominance. Sirius had a hand in James's hair and gripped tightly, making James moan in a way Lily had never heard him moan.

She kicked her knickers to the floor and thrust two fingers into her cunt, gasping in relief.

Almost instantly, Sirius released his hold on James and turned to her, wiping his mouth. His eyes fixed on her hand where it plunged inside, her skirt hiked up and her body on full display for the two of them. "Fingers first?" he said softly, raising his eyes to hers. "That's such a gay technique, Lil."

Lily grinned, watching James back away out of the corner of her eye. "What about nipples?" she asked, bringing her other hand up to her chest. "Do gay blokes go for them?"

Sirius watched her for a moment before nodding, then stepping forward to cover her hand with his own.

"Show me," she breathed.

He gripped the counter top on either side of her hips and leaned down, letting her pull her blouse and brassiere aside for him. He let the soft flesh brush against his cheek, closing his eyes and breathing in her skin, and she watched his dark head with fascination. When his tongue finally swept over her nipple, she let out a soft moan. He flicked in just the right spot, laving her in small, wet circles until her nipple was dark and taut. He pulled his head back and brushed his thumb over her breast.

"That part's about the same," he said, and the look in his eyes told her that despite his initial protests, he was now very much enjoying himself. His eyes dropped to her cunt again, and she heard his breath sharpen as he watched her continue to stroke herself. Finally, he pulled her hand away and replaced it with his own, pausing to glance over at James before plunging two fingers inside her.

Lily arched her back at the increased thickness, the rough calluses of his fingers, and the way his other hand still gripped the counter top as though for dear life. When she followed his gaze, she found James leaning against the kitchen wall, his trousers flung open and one hand slowly stroking his cock, which was angry and red in his fist. Sirius watched James, and James watched Sirius, and Lily watched the fingers sliding in and out of her, covering Sirius's hand in moisture and increasing that throb inside her.

"That thing about anticipation," she whispered to him, and his eyes moved back to her face. "It's got nothing to do with lube."

He looked surprised for a moment but then gave a choked sort of laugh, pulling his fingers out of her and reaching for his trousers. "If you were a bloke, I'd say you'd had more than enough preparation," he murmured.

"How did I feel inside?" she couldn't help but ask, watching him tear open his trousers and reach for his cock. "You know – just for comparison."

"Hot," he replied with a smirk. "Wet. Soft. Everything you said you'd feel like."

"God, _fuck her_," James's voice moaned from the corner, and Sirius's smirk deepened. His eyes rested on the rhythm of James's hand, fisting his own cock with slow strokes. Lily recognised the pace. She knew he wouldn't last much longer.

She wrapped her hand around Sirius's cock, relishing the deep moan that escaped him, and guided it to her cunt. He gripped the counter again, falling towards her and burying his face in her neck. "Fuck," he muttered.

"Just once," she said quietly. "Not to change who you are, but for me. I can't get married until I stop wondering what it would be like with you."

He pulled back to look at her. "You're a cheat, and a liar," he said with a faint smile that only increased with the look of indignation that crossed her face, "but you win."

"Shut up," she ordered, moving the tip of his cock back and forth against her a little bit, just to let him feel what that was like.

"Come on," he dared after a moment. "You want to do it? Then fucking _do it_."

She licked her lips and positioned him right outside her entrance. "Push," she whispered.

"There?"

"Right there."

He pushed. He was thicker than James, and curved differently, but when he _pushed_, oh God, she couldn't help but hitch her legs higher, her heels digging into the drawers, and opening herself completely to him. He shoved in fast, then buried a hand in the back of her hair and started thrusting.

"How does it feel?" she whispered, her fingernails clawing at his back.

"_Easy_," he muttered, his breath hot on her neck. "No muscle, no resistance… fuck… are you going to talk through the whole thing?"

"No," she said with a smile as he pushed in again. "Watch James if you need inspiration," she added. "I won't be offended."

He groaned as his hands fell to her hips, clutching at her and pulling her closer with every stroke. She was balanced at the very edge of the counter top and surely would have fallen off if not for the strength of his cock buried inside her, holding her up and pinning her back. He did look at James, like she knew he would, and she watched their eyes on each other.

She was wrong: James didn't come first. Just as her arse began to ache from the stabbing edge of the counter top pushing against her, she felt Sirius begin to shudder, his breath a series of staccato groans in her ear, his cock thick inside her. He thrust hard and then stilled, fingers digging into her hips and the rapid pulses of his come filling her. He didn't move for a long moment, then pulled back to look at her.

"Okay," he muttered, his chest heaving. "Okay. But you don't have a cock, so I don't know how to make you come."

"You may be the first man who's ever expressed concern about that," she said, darting a glance at James, who was breathing raggedly and pinching the base of his cock.

"Show him," he ordered her, and her eyes returned to Sirius.

With a gentle twist of her hips she let him slip out of her, watching in fascination as his still half-hard cock left her body, then she placed her hands on his shoulders and firmly pushed. "Down," she whispered.

His eyes widened but he obeyed, dropping to his knees and spreading his hands over her inner thighs to pull her apart. She let her head fall back at the first feel of his tongue on her, tentative at first but becoming more insistent when James started coaching him.

"You know how to rim, don't you?" groaned James, and Lily opened her eyes again to see his hand working over his cock. "Do it like that, just like you'd do it to a man, oh yeah…"

Lily gasped at the intensity of it, Sirius gaining confidence and starting to eat her out like a professional, or at least like a man who had done it before. He lapped at his own come as it slipped out of her, his tongue sweeping over her in broad, flat strokes until her thighs began to tremble.

"Lick her," whispered James. "Just like that… oh fuck…" It was the sound of James coming that seemed to spur Sirius on even more. As James groaned against the wall, bent over almost double and spurting into his hand, Lily felt Sirius's hands grip her legs with bruising force, his tongue making tiny circles over her clit until she too was shuddering against his mouth, pulses wracking her body and her thighs convulsing and squeezing around his head.

As her strength left her and she propped herself up with one arm on the counter top, the other still buried in Sirius's hair, she saw James sink down to the floor with a final whimper. Sirius merely stood up again, wincing slightly as he licked his lips and then brought the back of his hand up to his mouth.

"The taste might take some getting used to," James muttered from the corner, and Sirius stared at him. He refastened his trousers with trembling hands and backed away from Lily, his face unreadable.

There was a moment of rustling, and then two ten Galleon coins landed on the counter beside her. She jumped a bit in surprise at the clatter in the quiet room, glancing over at James to see a pointed look of defeat on his face and his hand still raised from the throw. She took the coins in her hand and rolled them between her fingers, letting the heavy weight of them settle in. She looked back at Sirius, smoothed one of the coins between her fingers, and then tossed it at him. It missed, clanging off his belt and falling to the floor. It rolled in a sad little circle for about five seconds longer than it should have before it finally sputtered and died, curling up on its side on the cold tiles with a final, audible _swish_.

Sirius was just bending to pick it up when the kitchen door opened.

After a moment of shocked silence in which four mouths gaped at each other, a carefully aimed binding hex sailed at the three suspects.

~~~~~

_mended page_  
Suspect 3: Lily Evans  
Age: 20  
Apprehended: Sprawled on the kitchen counter with her skirt up so high she might as well have been wearing a bonnet.  
Charge: *_indistinct smear_* Fuck it. Doesn't matter anymore anyway, does it? She wins. She just… Yeah. She wins.  
\----

Well, you know what happened after that. I hope you enjoyed your little police stunt, hexing us all up against the wall like that. It's not really helping your case, though, is it? Don't you _dare_ look at me like that, like he didn't deserve to be with someone who appreciates him. I know exactly what you've been up to. I know, and James knows, and now Sirius knows, too. I don't have proof yet, but I'll get it. We all trusted you, and now _you're _the one crying about betrayal? Stop it.

I heard Moody say once that war makes cynics of the innocent. Do you believe that? I think I do. I think I have to, or I won't know what else to believe. How can I not be cynical about you? Give me a reason to believe you're still an innocent, and I'll reconsider.

No, I didn't think you could.

You owe me fifty Galleons, by the way. Like hell your boyfriend would never choose me over you. He doesn't trust you much more than you trust him these days. And you can stop running around whispering to everyone who'll listen that Sirius is a spy. I think it's pretty clear now where his loyalties lie, don't you? He'd do anything for James and me, that's one thing I know for certain.

You heard me. _Anything_.

 

-fin-

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. The first person narrative structure used here owes more than a passing debt to xylodemon's wonderful story, "The Man Who Would Be King." No idea-infringement is intended.
> 
> 2\. _"Have you tried _not_ being a werewolf?"_ Shamelessly lifted from _X2_.


End file.
